Sex – Der Schlüssel zu einer Glücklichen Beziehung

Wir tun es alle gerne auch wenn wir nicht immer darüber sprechen. Manch einer ist eher verschlossen und mag es lieber ruhig, wohin gegen andere eher aufgeschlossen sind, es wilder mögen und auch keine Blatt vor den Mund nehmen und ebenso darüber reden. Die Rede ist von Sex!

 

Der Vollzug des Geschlechtsaktes erfüllt uns mit Freude und Glückseligkeit. Er befreit uns von Stress und überschüttet uns mit Endorphinen. Rundum kann man sagen, dass Sex eine Antwort auf vielerlei Fragen und Probleme ist. Doch was passiert, wenn man auf einmal darauf verzichten muss und was für Auswirkungen hat dies auf eine Beziehung?

Das Sexleben innerhalb einer Beziehung

Unzähligen Statistiken zur Folge, seien die ersten zwei Jahre einer Beziehung die Schönsten. Alles ist neu, die Leidenschaft ist in vollem Gange und wir sprudeln nur so förmlich vor Lust. Danach, danach geht es Berg ab. Glaubt man den Zahlen, so nimmt die Häufigkeit mit der wir Sex haben nach den zwei Jahren kontinuierlich ab.

Besonders in den ersten zwei Jahren einer Beziehung sind wir, laut Statistiken, sexuell am aktivsten.

Nehmen wir einmal die Altersgruppe der unter 50-Jährigen. In der Altersgruppe der 35- bis 44-Jährigen hatten Paare mit einer Beziehungsdauer unter 2 Jahren 9 bis 10 mal im Monat Sex, solche mit einer Beziehungsdauer von zwei bis fünf Jahren 6 mal Sex, Paare mit einer Beziehungsdauer von 6 Jahren und länger 4 bis 6 mal. Diese Zahlen sprechen eigentlich schon für sich, dennoch stellt sich die Frage: Muss das denn so sein?

 

Mit weniger Sex kommt die Unzufriedenheit

Um die Frage korrekt zu beantworten, schauen wir uns zunächst eine Studie von dem US-amerikanischen Psychotherapeuten und Autor Gary Neuman an. Er hat in seinen Studien über 400 Teilnehmende (Männer wir Frauen) zum Thema „Glück und Unglück in einer Beziehung“ befragt und kam zu einem interessanten Ergebnis. Zunächst einmal stellte sich heraus, dass ein starker Zusammenhang zwischen der Häufigkeit des Sexes und ob Partner innerhalb einer Beziehung glücklich sind oder nicht, besteht. Er betont, dass es sich tatsächlich nicht um die sexuelle Befriedigung geht (so zu sagen die Qualität des Beischlafs), sondern vielmehr um die Frequenz, sprich die Häufigkeit des vollzogenen Geschlechtsaktes. Es stellte sich heraus, dass sich eine sichtbare Grenze ziehen ließ, zwischen den glücklich verheirateten Frauen und den weniger Zufriedenen. Mit dem Unterschied, dass jene die sich eher unzufrieden gegenüber ihrer Partnerschaft äußerten, nur 3 bis 4 mal Sex im Monat haben, wobei hingegen die glücklich Verheirateten rund 11 mal Sex hatten im Monat. Daraus schlussfolgert Neuman, dass Sex eine große Rolle spielt für die Zufriedenheit innerhalb der Beziehung und das solche Partner sich deutlich mehr Zeit dafür nehmen, als jene die unzufrieden sind. (1)

Glaubt man den Ergebnissen von Neuman, so besteht eine starke Korrelation zwischen unzufriedenen Partnern und der Häufigkeit des vollzogenen Geschlechtsaktes.

Mit diesem Gedanken schließt er seine Untersuchung auch. Mit weniger Sex, folgt größere Unzufriedenheit. Doch oftmals ist es innerhalb einer langzeitlichen Beziehung schwer die Zeit und Romantik aufzubringen, welche notwendig ist um sich komplett fallen zu lassen. Insbesondere Frauen sind häufiger betroffen von der Lustlosigkeit.

Gelegentliche sexuelle Lustlosigkeit innerhalb einer Beziehung kommt mit zunehmender Beziehungsdauer häufiger vor, Frauen sind häufiger lustlos als Männer. Nach einem Jahr Beziehung betrifft es 33 Prozent Männer und 60 Prozent Frauen, nach sechs Jahren Beziehung 40 Prozent Männer und 80 Prozent Frauen. Diese Zahlen verdeutlichen uns Männer noch einmal, was wir schon immer gespürt haben. Die Lust unserer Frauen nimmt mit den Jahren zunehmend ab. Doch woran liegt das? Ein Hauptgrund dafür ist, die Verantwortungsbewusstheit der Damen.

Kennen wir es nicht alle, dass ein gemeinsamer Ausflug vor der Tür steht und die ganze Planung von unserer Partnerin durchgeführt wurde? Dies ist nur ein kleines Beispiel um die Sachlage einmal zu verdeutlichen. Was ich damit sagen möchte ist, zwar sind unsere Frauen unzufrieden innerhalb der Beziehung und der sexuellen Situation, doch merken sie es viel mehr nicht, da ihnen der Kopf meist ganz wo anders steht. Ein nützlicher Tipp hier könnte sein, dass wir einfach den romantischen Abend planen. Denn konfrontieren wir sie einfach damit, dass sie sich nicht um alle kümmern muss und „zwingen“ sie zur Entspannung, wird ein solcher Abend meist für beide Seiten positiv ausgehen.

 

Der Sex rückt mehr und mehr in den Hintergrund

Doch warum ist das Ganze überhaupt so und warum stellen wir den Sex in den Hintergrund, wenn er uns doch glücklich macht? Zunächst einmal kann man sagen, dass es von vielen Dingen abhängig ist.

  1. Beginnend kann man sagen, dass man sich am Anfang der Beziehung, oder gehen wir noch weiter zurück, zu Beginn des Kennenlernens musste man sich noch Mühe geben. So plump das jetzt auch klingen mag, es ist einfach Fakt. Während der Kennenlernphase und der ersten Zeit der Beziehung, ist man noch gewillt, alles nur Erdenkliche zu tun, um den Partner besser kennenzulernen und vor allem glücklich zu machen. Dieses Verhalten nimmt mit der Zeit ab, denn der Mensch ist ein Gewohnheitstier. Wir kennen unseren Partner, wie wissen was er mag und was nicht, und siehe da, unsere Bemühungen werden weniger. Sehr zum Leidwesen unseres Sexlebens.
  2. Mit der Dauer kommt die Verantwortung: Am Anfang einer Beziehung gibt es noch Interessante Themen über die man sich austauschen kann und man fokussiert sich auf mehr auf den Partner und auf das Zwischenmenschliche. Mit der Zeit und mit dem Zusammenleben, rücken andere Dinge mehr und mehr in den Vordergrund. Dinge, wie die monatliche Miete, die Krankheit der Kinder, Schule, die Einkäufe und Erledigungen für den Alltag oder einfach nur der vergebliche Versuch eine erholsame Nachtruhe zu bekommen. Plötzlich dreht sich das gemeinsame Leben und nur noch um die alltäglichen Dinge und wir stehen uns selbst im Weg um glücklicher zu sein. Stellen wir diese Zuneigung und das Interesse am Partner in den Hintergrund, so resultiert daraus, dass wir weniger Lust auf den intimen Kontakt haben.

Im Laufe der Zeit werden simple Dinge wie ein gesunder und ausreichender Schlaf höher priorisiert und der Sex wird in den Hintergrund gestellt.

Statistisch gesehen betrifft die größte Unlust auf Sex Frauen am häufigsten mit Anfang 30, Männer dagegen mit Mitte bis Ende 40. Dies liegt vermutlich an der Veränderung, welche wir während des Zusammenlebens durchlaufen.

 

Die Lustlosigkeit unter Männern

Wie wir bereits gesehen haben, sind es die Frauen, welche zu größerem Prozentanteil weniger Lust auf Sex verspüren. Insbesondere während einer längeren Beziehung geht dieser Drang bei beiden Teilen der Partnerschaft zurück. Doch wie steht es denn eigentlich mit der biologischen Natur? Mit dem Alter nimmt auch bei uns Männer die Fleischeslust deutlich ab. So lässt sich das sexuelle Interesse etwas leicht in eine Timeline packen und darstellen:

  • Mit der Erfahrung kommt die Lust: Das sexuelle Interesse steigert sich von 14 bis 26 Jahre konstant. Das liegt daran, dass wir uns erst noch finden müssen und selbst mit über 20 erlebt man noch deutliche sexuelle Veränderungen und entdeckt neue Interessen.
  • Ein konstantes Niveau: Ab dem 26. Lebensjahr halten wir das Niveau unseres Verlangens etwa konstant auf einem Level bis wir das 55. Lebensjahr erreicht haben.
  • Es geht langsam Berg ab: Haben wir einmal die 55 Jahre erreicht, fangen wir langsam an unser sexuelles Interesse zu verlieren.
  • Wir verlieren unser Interesse: Der Wunsch nach Geschlechtsverkehr nimmt bei Männern mit 75 Jahren komplett ab, bei Frauen ist es etwas früher und die Abnahme ist deutlicher.

Gerade bei uns Männern können aber auch noch andere Faktoren eine große Rolle spielen. So spielt für unser Testosteronspiegel eine ausschlaggebende Rolle für unseren Sexualtrieb. Doch auch Einschränkungen der Libido, welche zu einer erektilen Dysfunktion führen sind gerade im Alter oftmals ein Problem, welches unser Verlangen deutlich reduzieren. Sollten solche Probleme vorliegen, sollten wir uns nicht scheuen unseren Partner darüber zu informieren, damit gemeinsam nach einer Lösung des Problems gesucht werden kann.

 

Fazit

Studien und Statistiken zeigen es: Es besteht eine direkte Verbindung zwischen der Unzufriedenheit innerhalb einer Beziehung und der Häufigkeit an Sex den wir haben. Einfache Lösung: Mehr Sex führt zu zufriedeneren Partnern. Ganz einfach, oder doch nicht? So leicht ist es in vielen Fällen leider nicht. Bedingt durch äußere Einflüsse, Stress, Verpflichtungen und der Gleichen fehlt es vielen Partnern oftmals an Zeit für den Beischlaf oder es steht einem einfach nicht der Kopf danach. Dem Ergebnis des Psychotherapeuten Neuman zur Folge, ist der Schlüssel einer glücklichen Beziehung, sich bewusst Zeit dafür zu nehmen und den Sex nicht in den Hintergrund zu stellen, auch wenn dies nicht immer leicht ist. Manchmal ist es auch an uns Männern, dies zu verwirklichen und unseren Partner zu unterstützen, denn schließlich wollen wir ja auch mehr Sex haben. 😉

Das Ergebnis ist eindeutig: Mehr Sex führt zu einer glücklicheren Beziehung und beide Partner profitieren davon.

Kleinerandnotiz für alle Datenden: Laut einer Umfrage des Onlineportales eDarling.de aus dem Jahre 2012, haben rund 42 Prozent aller deutschsprachigen Männer und 25 Prozent aller deutschsprachigen Frauen haben beim dritten Date zum ersten Mal Sex. (2)

 

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